My life is a major effing joke.

Hey.

I guess these days I'm very lonely and sad. I hate my life, I think it's all just a joke. I hate everything. I hate how my friends smile, because I can never smile that bright. I hate how I fail in everything in life. I hate how no one is there to help me and understand and those people who say they do are just a bunch of posers. I hate how I am a coward and never ever stand up for myself and my dreams.I hate the expressions on my parents' faces when I come home with a big F on my paper because I know I disappointed them. I hate how I still have the beacon of hope that maybe one day I'll succeed because I know i never will.

A lot of my friends ask me why I sometimes avoid them. Well here's my truthful answer. Because I can't stand the positiveness you have and how your results are so good and I'm just rotting there in a shithole. You know, somedays I think of ending my life.  No one in this world knows the true me. No one knows because since I was born, I plastered a fake smile on, and the pain just bottles up because I am an effing coward.

I'm just a teenage girl suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. But all I want to say is...

Just leave me alone.

Just leave me to rot and die.

Do not care for someone that already dead and gone.


Love always (Oh the irony),

Gisele

This is for my friend gladys erm.... thing. so...yeah.

Love.

Love.

Something I wish for. Something everybody wishes for.

What is Love?

That's the question I've been asking myself. Is love something that you and your parents share? Is it something your boyfriend and you will have?

In the dictionary, Love is defined as:

1.   a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.2.   a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

So... I think I have felt love before. 

Never to a boy though, because many people think that's absurd. I feel love towards my parents, sibling and friends, but I really want to experience... loving someone who isn't my dad, my mum or my friends (though I'm sure they don't love me back). I want to feel the passion, feel the affection. 

I want to have someone kiss my goodnight, someone I can hold hands with, someone I can look deeply into their eyes and say,"I love you."

They say I'm too young. They say I'm not mature enough. So what? Who doesn't want to feel loved? Whenever I see my parents, I think of how it would be like with my own prince charming. How it would feel like with my own boy.

As Lao Tzu goes,Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

I want to feel that strength. I want to feel that courage.

I want to be loved. 

Just a nice wallpaper blogpost!

Hey guys! I'ts been long, but I'm back with something... a wallpaper!!!
Here it is!

I hope you guys like it cause it's my favourite one so far! So random I know, but i just wanna blog! haha

XOXO
G

WOOP INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT:)

Hey guys!

Short post:P follow me on Instagram: @giselexcx WOOP GO ON AMD CLICK THAT BLIE BUTTON AND TURN IT GREEN!

Love always,
Gisele:)

CAN'T SLEEP:(

Hey guys!

It's 12.12am here in Singapore and I'm blogging. Clap for me. *MANY CLAPS* LOLZ:) I've got insomnia, and this HAD to be a day when it works up. HAISH. WHY???????

Everybody's asleep in my family except for me, and it's sucks ass. I wish I could sleep more easily, and I heard that if you drank chamomile tea before you go to bed, you will sleep better. Let me tell you first hand, THIS METHOD DOESN'T WORK GAHHH.

And I'm just ranting about this horrible sleeping disorder and this also has to be a time where my ADHD works up.

My feeling now:JAKSJDNDJNDNDKWPS

*pulling out random clumps of hair and counting sheep*

If any of you guys know how to fall asleep(really? I have resorted to this?) please tweet me @giselexcx . :( I just want to sleep:( but I can't, so this situation is basically shite.

GAHHHHHHH:(

I just wish that by seeing this picture of One Direction I might be able to drift off to wonderland:)

Love always,
Gisele:)

IT'S GONNA BE THE HOLIDAYS!

Hey guys!

Oh my gosh. I just realized how stupid I am. I left my freaking phone at school:( My social life on whatsapp is officially gone. Haish. I'm so excited for the holidays, because that's when I can hang out with my friends:) WOOP:) I wonder if you look forward too?


AHHHHH! I just hit 300 views on this blog! YIPEEEE:) I mean, I was never a person who wanted this much views on my blog, and never expected that (actual, not just-my-friends)people would read this:) Ahhh... I'm just so happy:)


*Does crazy happy dance and fangirling*


 This is a list I prepared(even though like the holidays are 2 weeks away) for the hols! YAY:)


To do list:

1) Finish the absolutely boring homework. (Come on teachers, don't torture us like this)

2) Go out with friends:)

3) Stay at home to blog, go on a youtube marathon, watching running man(Monday couple fighting!), and maybe... do other schtuff.


And.... that's about it. This concludes how I am going to spend my 30-day holiday. Awesome, isn't it?


HEY. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. AND NO, I AM NOT LAZY AND FAT. I JUST...I JUST HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH THE INTERNET. DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE TOO.


I still love you, though:*

HAHAHAHAHA sorry for this short post:P

P.S. follow me on twittah! @giselexcx
       and on instagram. soon. wait till I get my hands on my phone:)

Love always,
Gisele:)

Results.....

Hey guys.

Today I got back my exam results and it... wasn't really good:( I am really disappointed, but they say, failure is the mother of success (am I the only one who still uses this quote?o.O). My friends did really well and they were celebrating, while I was there tearing up:( Haish. Do any of you guys reading relate to me now?

I feel so useless sometimes. And it's just horrible how I can't do anything right. I wish I was the most perfect kid in this world, so my friends and family won't be ashamed of me. Many people call me 'attention whore', which I do not agree on.It doesn't mean that just because you want more followers and do silly things to embarrass yourself means you are an 'attention whore'. I just hate it when people accuse me of things I didn't even do, and I'm sure many of you guys can relate. I like school so far, but there are (of course) certain aspects of my school life that I wished I never experienced. If you are a caucasian and your school life is basically just partying and socializing  I envy you. Sometimes, it's just so hard here, and I wish one day i can just let go of everything and just be free. I've touched on this topic many(?) times but it's one of those things I can only express on my blog because many people I know wouldn't understand.

Recently, I started listening to Lana Del Rey and I really absolutely love her songs.The lyrics are meaningful, and her singing is just...perfection. I hate it when I'm trying to introduce good songs to people I wished could appreciate, but they just wave it off, then complain how horrible the song is:( I mean, I respect your taste in music, I try out some songs that you recommend (and maybe liked it even), so why can't you do the same?o.O

Really, if people could just appreciate and embrace the different genres of music, maybe the world would be a better place. Just sayin'

I made this blog so I could express my thoughts and maybe some people can relate, and maybe fangirl openly also:) LOL I am NOT an 'Attention Whore'. Okay, come to think of it, maybe i am. A LITTLE. Like... 10% :P

Follow me on twittah: @giselexcx

WOOP! Here's a picture of Niall so it wouldn't be so depressing:) *whispers* He's my husband.

Love always,
Gisele:)

Music Choices: May edition:)

Hey guys!

What's up! It's me Gisele:) Today's post will be on my favourite musicof the month ( okay half of it) May!

In my list, there are 5 songs:) Not according to preference of course, I love them all equal:)

Le first of my list, 'Young and Beautiful' By Lana Del Rey. Let's just begin with how much I love her. She is one of the most talanted woman I've ever saw, and all her music is more than powerful. This song was featured in the movie, The Great Gatsby, which stars Leonardo Dicaprio (same birthday as me! WOOP), Carey Mulligan and that guy from the old spiderman( I think). I love the song by itself, not because the movie was awesome (It was.) It's a wonderful song, and it holds so much meaning to it:)

Here's the link to see the music video!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_1aF54DO60

Le second in moi's list, 'Demons' By Imagine Dragons. The music video is amazing, it tels of the stories of different people who have inner 'demons' hiding: The girl who lost her parents, the guy who suffers from an eating disorder, the soldier whose friend died in war. This song reaches out to every person out there who have pain inside their hearts, who are lonely and have 'demons' haunting inside them:) I love this song:)

Here's the link to the music video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWRsgZuwf_8

Le third in moi's list, 'Little Bird' by Ed Sheeran. Ed is a musician who creates amazing music and this song, although rather old, is an amazing piece:) The song s catchy at it's chorus, and when I'm writing this, I'm humming it in my head already:) Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't, but this are my opinions:) I tell you firsthand, it's funny how Ed can make something horrible beautiful, an example will be this song, he sings about a dead bird. It's really worth your time! Check it out!

Here's the link to the lyric video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdOF_qYWx-s

Le fourth in moi's list, 'Diane Young' by Vampire Weekend. There's something about this song that makes me so mesmerized. I freaking love this stuff, and Vampire Weekend is one of my favourite bands:) The music video is just of a car burning, so... yeah. It's really really catchy. Gosh, It's so catchy I sing it out loud in class lol:) Of course I do it in my head, sadly my friends don't appreciate good music:(

Here's the link to it's music video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mX46e4GtlXM

Le last but definitely not the least,'Teen Idle' By Marina and The Diamonds. Okay, let's get things clear first. If you listened to the song before, you would notice there are a few lines about schtuff i don't agree with, like being a whore and burning up a bible. It's just... you know. But the true meaning of this song is the teen life-the whole package. The suicidal thoughts, the feeling of wanting to be free and isolation, and finally  the regrets one has for its teen journey. Teens can relate to this definitely, being untrue to yourself and instead trying all means to fit in with the crowd. Amazing song, deep meaning.

Here's the live version of the song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiRjvejL5D4

And that's all!

Love always,
Gisele:)

WOOP TWITTER ACCOUNT!

WOOP I got a twitter account!

Short post I'm sorry:(

@giselexcx

YAY!

FOLLOW ME NOW!

AHHH! FANGIRLING:)

OMG guys, you will never believe; I just met Ian Fang and Rebecca Lim and got their autographs! If you don't know who those two are, they are artistes in mediacorp who often appears in Chinese dramas:) I LOVE THEM TO DEATH AND I MET IAN, HE WAS JUST SO FREAKING HOT! The embarrassing thing is, I was freaking the shit out behind them. OMG my notebook was clutched in my hand as I approach them.

I didn't get a picture though, because I don't really like pictures:/ but I took pictures of their autographs attached below! I still recovering from the shock:!

My friend told me if I was fangirling so hard of Singaporean artistes, I might die of a heart attack if I see my husband (niall).

I just might, but it's definitely worth it for niall.

*fangirling at the thought of my husband*

Love always,

Gisele

PS Ian's autograph is the bigger one, and has the English spelling of my Chinese name, Zi Shan, on top. AHHHHHHHHHH

Rebecca was in a rush, so hers is smaller:(
Wished she had more time.

Nothing much.

Arghhhh:( it's the exam week and I freaking hate it. Like why in the world so we need so much info on math? And why won't the teachers let us use our calculators in the exam. HAISH. Many questions, no answer.

Just checked and I got 63 views on this blog! Not much but I'm super proud of it:) ONE STEP TOWARDS FAME. MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

Oops. My alter ego took over for a second:P

It's horrible learning Chinese (If you take Chinese you will know what I mean) because I simply can't get anything. I mean, I'm not toooooo bad, but I'm not great either. So, I'm in the middle. But when I think of my friends who can speak like 4 languages, I sigh and tell myself I better learn Chinese.

This post is actually about nothing much, I'm just really bored at home while I'm trying to study.


Now on to the more serious stuff...

Recently, I got a message from a twitter girl who got bullied. I don't know her, but it's nice that she just wants to find someone to listen to her. So I did. She is a teenager, 14 years old and living in USA. She is constantly being bullied and teased by her classmates and she cuts herself.

If some of the readers relate, I just got a few words to say to you.

Even if the world hates you, you still have me. (And God if you're religious)

Your parents they really do care, and I might not be an expert with this topic but I do suffer from depression sometimes and let's just say the feeling is not really good. For all those girls who need help, find a friend to talk to. I know everyone tells you to talk to your parents and teachers, but lets face it: it's really difficult.

Even if you think that you are a loner and have no friends, that one person will be there soon. Just be patient.

And you could also write your feelings out in a letter (which I do). Send it to whom, you might ask. Well, it's personal. It all depends on yourself. For me, I write it in a notebook and just keep it there, everyone and then I will pour out everything in this notebook, and of course, I hide it.

The world needs you, and you CAN make a difference. TRUST ME:)

Love always,

Gisele

PICTURE OF THE MONTH: MAY:)

Okay, so this isn't really the picture of the month, but it's just a part of me FANGIRLING over 1 Direction. Enjoy this picture of my love, Niall:)

Love always,

Gisele:)

Exam stress:(

Hey guys:) long time since I blogged. Well that's because my common tests are up, and while the people in America are enjoying summer, I am here in Singapore toiling and burning the midnight candle:(

LOL my biology teacher couldn't even understand our Chinese words tested:P this is how hard our syllabus has become.

Also, I seriously don't get why we have to learn stuff in math that well probably never use in the future. I mean, do you see people communicating with algebra? O.o

I really wish I could have more fun than this.

My literature common test was over today and I am hoping for the best. I placed my results in God's hands:)

My biology and physics common test is on Monday, so wish me luck!

PS. Chinese is tough.

Since I can't really blog in these 2 weeks, I will be posting short updates like this:) I mean, my common is important yo.

Love always,

Gisele:)

FINALLY NEW POST!!

Hey guys! It's been a while since I posted! Did you miss me? Hahaha:P today's post will be an update of my life! My exams are coming soon, and I am really stressed out trying to complete them. HAISH. My best friend and I had a bit of a quarrel yesterday and it really hurt out feelings but we are good now! I wish I could live in LA:) I really do:)

I made brownies today and they turned out so good! I wish I could show you guys a picture but I ate it all before I could even take a picture:( sorry:(

Also, I hit 800 followers the other day and I am so happy!

Okay, that's about it.

Love always,

Gisele

Book Review: Dolores Caliborne

Hey guys:) it me, Gisele! Today is my dear friend Joanna's birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY JO:) I love her:)

Today's book review will be one on Stephen King's Dolores Caliborne

It's a really good book, and I recommend all to read this.

Basic plot: Dolores Caliborne is suspected of killing her rich employer, and why she is about to confess to the police isn't what the police is expecting....

It is a suspense book, and I feel that mr. King has once again shown how amazing his writing skills are. This book will keep you up all night finishing the book. The way Mr. King weaves both comedy and tragedy is unbeatable.

I will rate it an 8/10 because no book is perfect of course:)

Definitely a good read!

AHH... SCHOOL.

Hey guys:) don't know for you guys, but my exam is coming soon and I'm really nervous:$ I am sucking in math (especially algebra) and also at geography:( I'm just at a loss as to what to do. I wish I could just give up studies but I can't, of course. It's just that I'm 13, and I want to... Experience life. If you know what I mean. I don't those disgusting stuff, but more on the side that I live life to the fullest!?

I'm guessing that some of you might relate to me, and if you can and you overcame it, please advise me:)

As I'm writing this post, I am screaming my head of over algebra. Algebra is the worst thing ever. I wish I could suddenly land a role in a musical or movie of maybe my parents could suddenly move to US.

I would miss my friends but missing out a chance like this? OH HELL NO.

What am I even imagining. It seems so retarded.

I want to become a YouTuber, but my Asian family would never allow:( they always say,"STUDEH COME FIRST."

HAISH. What can I do?

But it's alright because I have my friends:)

Okay, that's all today.

Love always,
Gisele

Book review:)

Hey guys:)

Today has been a really busy day for me, but that's if you know the word busy as 'watching movie marathons and ignoring homework'. Watched Perks of being A Wallflower today:) it was a gorgeous masterpiece, and I must say, I went to the bookshop and got the copy of the book today and read finished it in 6 hours:) that was how addicting it was:) it changed my life while I was reading it, as I related to Charlie a lot, the way he was dealing with being a loser and everything, and also his insecurity. A must read for all.

My favourite quote in the book is first spoken by Bill, Charlie's English teacher to him, then Charlie to Sam, and it's a powerful and short phrase.


We accept the love we think we deserve .

Simple as it is, it holds a deep meaning, of which I have yet to experience, but would in the future.

Also, I started reading Harper Lee's To kill A Mockingbird today. It has been really interesting so far and I am really tempted to pull an all nighter to finish this book:)

That's it for today's update:)

Love always,

Gisele.

ANOTHER POST?

Yep guys, it's me again:) oh gosh just realised that I am blogging every day. I really wonder who reads this blog o.O

Anyways, the weekends are here! WHOO HOO! I'm so happy! After 5 days of school, IT'S MY TIME.

HAHAHAH wonder how many of you feel the same way?

Today there's nothing much to say, I just wanted to ask you guys, what is love? Is being bi, les or gay mean that you aren't supposed to love? Just asking. I mean, I'm straight, but jut wanted to ask because one of my friends has a problem with being bi and all. In case you didn't know, bi stands for bisexual, which means you like both female and male. My friend is a girl, and she thinks she's bi, so i just wanted to ask you guys the question:$

XOXO

Gisele

Random Post

Since I'm so bored today, I might as well do a random entry on moi's blog:) today I went to my old school and it was just super awkward seeing people I didn't exactly like... But it was real nice to see my 'long lost' friends! They weren't as close as me as before, but it was all pretty cool:) HAHAHAHA one of my friends looked like a nurse in her school! LOL:)

My lucky good friend got into an awesome school:) I mean, my schools pretty sweet too, but just that her school specializes in theatre and it's like super cool there! OMG and her drama teacher knows Niall. Like Niall freaking Horan. AHHHH:)

I wish I was in a drama school:(

But my school is so awesome I any bear to leave!

That's it:)

XOXO

Gisele

Confusion about my name

Okay, so my name really isn't Brooklyn, but I just call myself that because its fun having another 'identity'. Lol. My real name is Gisele, which sounds pretty unusual, but I like it:) it's not THE fact that my name is horrible, but more on the fact that I really like the name Brooklyn:)

Okay:) short post:P

Wow... New post.

WHOO! It's been such a long time since I posted! How have all of you guys been?

I've been studying hard for my exams (like real)! Today I might as well give you some highlights of the month, April (even though it isn't over yet)

1. I got 17th place out of 300
Pupils for my 2.4 KM run!

2. I got triple pranked :( *It just proves how gullible I am*

3. It's going to be my friend Joanna's birthday soon! Yay!

4. Quitted Facebook.

5. Finally started playing candy crush:)
It's like my addiction now:)

And... That's all.


This is my YouTuber of the month!(?)

*drumroll*

Swoozie06!

WHOO! He's just so awesome:)

P.S He followed me on twitter! ahh:)


Really hope you guys have an awesome week ahead! Since I finally downloaded the blogger app, I will update this blog twice a week, on Tuesday and Friday! (Maybe on other days too... It all depends on moi's mood:))



Xoxo

Brooklyn

Asians and me

Yo! Wat's up?

Just on ordinary girl, doing ordinary stuff.

I wonder how many pedos are out there looking at some girl's blogs:( Ergh... the thought of it just makes me want to vomit.

My name is Gisele, special I know, but definitely not as pretty as Gisele whatever-her-name-is who is a model. Haish.

This is a blog.

Just to make sure.

I like one direction, baking and reading.

see? just an average 13 year old. Nothing special, nothing to boast about:)

I like blogging too, but i think my blog would only get 1 page view.

Still, i blog. And put my name up there, and it would either fall into an endless pit of loser-doom, or bring it up. IDK.

As you probably already know, I'm asian. That explains why my english is so poor and also why i am very geeky.

But guys, don't be racist. Asians rule.

Hahahaha:) Sacrificing my homework time to do this. My mom is totally killing me when she finds out.

After all, being an Asian means you would have to exel in pratically everything, which sucks:(

In Asian culture,  an 'A' means good, a 'B' means bad, and whatever's below that? You are screwed. Really.

Asians, well, some are not as ugly and geeky as you Americans think. Some are really pretty cool:)


Question of the week: Would you ever date an Asian?


Just asking. LOL


Till next week:)

Le Grate Gisele